{retro reminder}

Waning Crescent Moon in Cancer

Holding on to old wounds; Value. Belonging. Am I doing it right? Triggers coming in from every direction. A comfortable suffering to distract from the immensity of unknown continuously stepping into. With every layer of armor chipped away—integration; an acclimation period awaits. Naked and ill-equipped— all that remains.

Anxiety creeping around the edges, threatening to consume. In these moments, doubt and disillusionment are the false friends sitting by my side; holding me in an unforgiving embrace. Old becomes attractive. Impatience a tell. When to stay. When to go. When to hold on, when to let go: attachment, the least attractive outfit I own. And amidst these spaces— there is nothing “to do” other than my best. Face down, belly on the earth— literally laying on the floor— the only tether point grounding the incessant spinning at higher altitude. Leaning in, pouring more love into the not-beautiful; surrendering to the paradox of grace; bringing her into deep embrace. Trust the process. Breathe. Remember: this too shall pass.

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“To truly heal, however, we must say our truth, and not only our regret and pain but also what harm was caused, what anger, what disgust, and also what desire for self punishment of vengeance was evoked in us. The old healer of the psyche understands human nature with all its foibles and gives pardon based on the telling of the naked truth. She not only gives second chances, she most often gives many chances.

-Clarissa Pinkola Estés, ”Women Who Run With the Wolves”

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Day 26/28— Uranus Retrograde prep: A one-hand-rooted-above-ground reminder for the times when I forget. This has been a week. Old gunk rising, themes playing out— as within, so without. I find it helpful to sometimes write the reminders to myself amidst the muck that i’ve been here before. That I will make it through. That i’m not the same as I was before. I have more awareness, I know many of my tells, my “markers” that i’m going into that underworld space— that I both love and loathe. And that grace is everywhere around me. Kindness, curiosity non-judgement: my navigation companions. So much is happening and simultaneously i’m trying to reconcile the feeling that i’m somehow standing still, if not moving backwards. Am I grounded in trust and truth, or frozen in an old cycle of fear? Maybe i’ll be able to discern the difference tomorrow. For now, i’ll just remind myself again and always, that this too shall pass. And that’s all I have to say about it today. Maybe i’ll have more tomorrow. This too shall pass…

With gratitude and always LOVE,

PS: Oracle Card pull today from the “Earth Warriors Oracle” with a little supporting wisdom:

“When the mind says no, but the heart leaps with joy, we are ripe for a transmission of empowering grace. The sweet paradox is that the more impossible the situations appears to be, the more we are supported through grace and our divine success manifests, swift and complete. Let the faith of the heart overcome doubt. Allow your mind to be filled with the wonder at the unlimited power of the Divine, and you shall bear witness to sacred manifestation”

-Alana Fairchild