writing in reflection of the world around me //

Nicolette Bernardes 12/18/18 Nicolette Bernardes 12/18/18

I Pray

I pray;

You find clarity in solitude.

Healing through pain.

Freedom past resistance.

Peace in letting go.

I pray;

You find clarity in solitude.

Healing through pain.

Freedom past resistance.

Peace in letting go.

I hope;

you fall, hard.

Skinned knees and aching joints

Crawling in the mud and rocks, sharp branches and dead leaves

Blood rushing from your broken and battered vessels

Clawing at the unreliable earth before you

Unable to maintain your footing on solid ground.

When you reach that space, that place;

exhaustion setting in,

failure is imminent,

your resolve to go on, faltering.

Fight.

Fight until there is no more.

Until you beg for mercy.

Only then will it BE time.

I see;

Death is upon you now.

With your last ounce of strength, and one final surge,

roll onto your back,

palms up, heart open,

surrender to it;

Transition.

First, light gives way to darkness.

Suffer (blindness).

Then, night concedes to the day.

Let go (allow).

Rebirth.

So I hope;

I hope you fall down.

Are swallowed whole

by fear,

roll around in resentment,

and tumble down the mountain of resistance

(Contrast)

For you will rise with the sun of a new day

With a truth.

With the truth…

I pray.

Then Go...

It’s natural, to want to get away, to escape, to write a new chapter of your story. But are you moving toward something or just running away?Are there parts of your Self yet to be forgiven, healed or acknowledged?

“Perhaps some of us have to go through dark and devious ways before we can find the river of peace or the highroad to the soul’s destination”
-Frederick Pierce, “Dreams and Personality”

◆

It’s natural, to want to get away, to escape, to write a new chapter of your story. But are you moving toward something or just running away?

Are there parts of your Self yet to be forgiven, healed or acknowledged? Pieces that feel vulnerable, and weak, and uncomfortable? Ask yourself these questions, because you can go to the deepest, darkest, most isolated corners of the earth, not another human in sight... but YOU will still be there. You cannot run from yourself. You can mask it for a bit; distract, numb, create stories about the “why”, but eventually you will be still…in the aloneness you have sought out. So alone that you will have no choice but to face the truth...

What is it that you are really afraid of seeing? You? Who you may be? Who you may not be? Who you have been? Who you have not forgiven yourself for being?

It’s ok. Sometimes we need space, adventure, and especially freedom to explore who we are outside of our current and “comfortable" environment; and even to run away. Before you go though, have an honest conversation with yourself about why. What is it that you are seeking? What is it that you are escaping from?

You have survived everything that life has hurled at you and you are still here. Standing. Growing. Moving forward.

Embrace the lost, the frightened, the dark and violent, and the vulnerable. Embrace the scared and helpless child within. I know it’s hard; and I know it’s scary. But you are safe now. You are loved and supported. And you are worthy; just because you are here; because you exist. You don’t have to run and there is nothing you have to find that is outside of you. You already have everything you need and have been seeking all along; it is all within you.

So, if you still want to go, go. Be brave; open yourself to all that this life has to offer, and enjoy. Every. Fucking. Minute. Of it. Seek all of the immense and unique beauty that is out there, in this great big world. But remember, you don’t have to go anywhere to find you.

You have never been lost; have never been without. You just have to remember. Look within and ask the questions that are burning in your heart.

Get honest with you. Because no matter how hard you try, you cannot escape your heart, and why would you want to? It is beautiful, and strong, and courageous, and unbelievably resilient, and it beats for you. You are strong enough, to feel, to face your demons. You are exactly who you are supposed to be, made of dark and light. And because of that, you are whole.

So first, be curious and brutally honest; face what you fear the most. Honor all of who you are and have been. Embrace and accept ALL of you. Trust the beautiful, powerful and healing love in your heart; your Truth.