You have a choice.

I receive you in your humanity. 

Fall down. Get back up. Learn. Try again.

I do not fault you for your uncertainty.

I do not fear your chaos.

I’m here. Arms open, ready to receive you as you are.

Because who you are is enough. I know that may scare you, even allowing yourself to think for a moment that could really be true. Not only because up to this point in your life you have been reminded constantly how you are falling short; how you need to be or do something more or less or different than what you are in order to be accepted, to be given the love you so desperately seek to feel.

Those subtle and not so subtle messages have made it hard enough—damn near impossible even— to stop and rest. To be grounded and at home within. It’s hard enough to be accepting of your true self when the world is telling you that who you are is somehow inherently wrong or flawed.

But also, this message: "You are just enough”, it terrifies the part of you that has been conditioned to believe you have to do— to strive and to perform— in order to belong.

It challenges the lessons instilled that you have to sacrifice and betray Self in order to be safe and loved.

Because if in a moment, you were to stop all the striving and performing and seeking the “good job” from outside of yourself, and allow the truth of your inherent worthiness to permeate your entire being; if you could open up your heart and allow yourself to acknowledge that who you are has always been enough, that there is nothing you need to do or be more or less of in order to be worthy of the love, belonging, and connection you have always desired, there would be no more barriers in the way. 

In the way of what?

Of your truth. Of the clarity and presence and trust necessary to live in alignment with your unique purpose in this life. Of a sense of fulfillment. Of your empowerment.

Of your freedom.

If you were to recognize that you are already worthy, then there is nothing standing in the way of you having that which your heart so deeply desires.

Except you. You are the barrier.

And once you see that— once you realize that life isn’t just yanking you around against your will— your eyes will be opened to the recognition that you have a choice.  You get to choose how you show up and how you react to everything that you are presented with in this life. That is what you can control. That is all that you can control.

And to recognize that you have a choice offers you the invitation to get off the train of disappointment, victimization and isolation and requires you to take personal responsibility:

Of your choices to this point.

Of who you are as a result of those choices.

Of your emotions and reactions to your emotions.

Of the fear or shame you feel for the perception of weakness or inadequacy for having emotions; for being vulnerable.

It would require taking responsibility for your inescapable humanity.

[The collective paradox: we fear, repress and shame ourselves for being exactly what we were perfectly designed to be.]

And that can be overwhelming. But it could also be simultaneously empowering. Or maybe just disarming. Definitely unfamiliar. Yet maybe, just maybe a little something like a truth that cannot be denied if you were to sit still with it for a moment and allow it to sink in.

Maybe it feels a little dangerous to recognize that personal power has always been within reach and that nobody dictates that but you. Or maybe it feels like you have been led astray and you’re angry that it’s taken you this long to realize, or that nobody told you that you have had a choice all along.

[Maybe you are afraid of feeling angry or feeling anything at all.]

Perfect. Feel that, whatever that is.

Letting that truth rise within, when you have lived your whole life under the paradigm of power being something that must be given or taken, when everyone in your life up to this point has operated under that same belief system, and when all you know is the feeling of being controlled and emotionally manipulated, the shock of that shift can feel like everything is crumbling beneath your feet. Like the ground is literally falling out from underneath you, and at any moment, you could be free falling into a dark hole of oblivion, of unknown and uncertainty; falling to your death.

That’s what it feels like, or at least, that’s what fear tells you it will feel like if you allow yourself to recognize the role you have played in this all along.

And I’ll tell you now, if you were to decide to embrace it— to lean into that visceral discomfort of your current paradigm crumbling around and within you— this is exactly what happens. You will die. A metaphorical death that is, in order to be reborn into the Truth.

Liberation requires death. You must shed that which holds you in suffering and paralyzed by fear. That which has left you feeling unstable on your own two feet the majority, if not your entire life. That which has kept you small. This all must die away. 

[Who are you without the comfortable confinement of your own disempowerment?]

Do you know? Are you willing to take the risk to find out?

Falling into the dark absolutely will feel scary because it’s unknown. And unknown is a discomfort that feels a lot like danger. But what if you wrote a new narrative about death, darkness, the shadows? A shift in perspective is all it would take for the cold, lonely and scary darkness to become your period of incubation, free floating in the protected nourishment of the womb. Growing, supported and preparing to enter a new life. The darkness and all that comes with it, could be a gift for you. A caterpillar into chrysalis; dying off one form in order to complete the transformation into a butterfly. It’s all in your point of focus. Another choice that is yours to make.

From what perspective will you witness this transition?

You get to choose.

Are you going to grasp to the old, comfortable suffering? Stay in defensive maneuvering and under your favorite suit of armor, waiting for the next attack from the world around you to come, all the while clinging to and feeling the familiar pain of separateness, isolation and loneliness under the illusion of control you are so desperately attempting to maintain?

[It is comfortable, it will feel safer and easier.]

Or, are you going to surrender? Let the ground beneath you quake, feel the fear rise and lean in. Can you let the darkness [the unknown] wash over you and take you exactly where you need to go?

[Letting go for the opportunity of a lifetime: experiencing true freedom— the liberation of You.]

You choose.

You can stay “safe”. Fearing what you may lose if you risk opening yourself to the vulnerability required for the love and connection you so deeply desire to unfold. Taking your habitual defensive stance and not allowing anything close enough to you to ever hurt you again.

Or, you can allow the cracks you’re already feeling within— from the lifetime[s] of disappointment and pain— to become fissures; to be broken open, smashed to pieces and turned into ash and dust. To be reborn into the truth that you have always had within, always known in your soul, but has felt too dangerous, too uncomfortable to embrace:

That you are just enough.

That you are love and loved, unconditionally.

That you are worthy as you are.

The choice is yours. Embrace death or avoid it; shift your perception of what it means to die, or stay stuck fearing it, behind the walls you have built to avoid it. Defending your fortress of solitude. But if you choose to hide behind your walls, safe and comfortable, you will never know the soul shaking, shifting and expanding feeling of a true, deep and unconditional love.

You will never be seen and truly known for exactly who it is that you are. Because what comfort and safety requires of you is that you hide. And nobody can see you if you are hiding.

[You can’t see you if you are hiding.]

And to exist in this life without ever knowing your depths, corners and edges; to never touch and taste the exquisite duality of your light and dark; to never be stripped down, fully vulnerable and seen and truly known, loved and accepted by another— in my opinion— is a fate worse than death. For there is no living without death; and living fearing death with the primary goal of avoiding that which is inevitable, is merely existing.

So you choose.

Safety in hiding and comfort, being alive yet never truly living.

Or death in daring to open; accepting yourself, in all your brilliant and beautiful humanity, perfect mess and miraculous grace. Death for true belonging and experiencing the fullness this life has to offer.

Whatever you choose is perfect, and that choice is yours to make. All I ask is that you do your best to hear me when I say:

I receive you in your humanity. 

Fall down. Get back up. Learn. Try again.

I do not fault you for your uncertainty.

I do not fear your chaos.

I’m here. Arms open, ready to receive you as you are.

You are loved immensely and unconditionally.

And who you are is, and always has been, just enough.

With gratitude and ALWAYS love,

---

“How does one become a butterfly?” she asked pensively. Orange Butterfly “You must want to fly so much that you are willing to give up being a caterpillar.”

– Trina Paulus

---

Then Go...

“Perhaps some of us have to go through dark and devious ways before we can find the river of peace or the highroad to the soul’s destination”

-Frederick Pierce, “Dreams and Personality”

◆

It’s natural, to want to get away, to escape, to write a new chapter of your story. But are you moving toward something or just running away?

Are there parts of your Self yet to be forgiven, healed or acknowledged? Pieces that feel vulnerable, and weak, and uncomfortable? Ask yourself these questions, because you can go to the deepest, darkest, most isolated corners of the earth, not another human in sight... but YOU will still be there. You cannot run from yourself. You can mask it for a bit; distract, numb, create stories about the “why”, but eventually you will be still…in the aloneness you have sought out. So alone that you will have no choice but to face the truth...

What is it that you are really afraid of seeing? You? Who you may be? Who you may not be? Who you have been? Who you have not forgiven yourself for being? 

It’s ok. Sometimes we need space, adventure, and especially freedom to explore who we are outside of our current and “comfortable" environment; and even to run away. Before you go though, have an honest conversation with yourself about why. What is it that you are seeking? What is it that you are escaping from?

You have survived everything that life has hurled at you and you are still here. Standing. Growing. Moving forward.

Embrace the lost, the frightened, the dark and violent, and the vulnerable. Embrace the scared and helpless child within. I know it’s hard; and I know it’s scary. But you are safe now. You are loved and supported. And you are worthy; just because you are here; because you exist. You don’t have to run and there is nothing you have to find that is outside of you. You already have everything you need and have been seeking all along; it is all within you.  

So, if you still want to go, go. Be brave; open yourself to all that this life has to offer, and enjoy. Every. Fucking. Minute. Of it. Seek all of the immense and unique beauty that is out there, in this great big world. But remember, you don’t have to go anywhere to find you.

You have never been lost; have never been without. You just have to remember. Look within and ask the questions that are burning in your heart.

Get honest with you. Because no matter how hard you try, you cannot escape your heart, and why would you want to? It is beautiful, and strong, and courageous, and unbelievably resilient, and it beats for you. You are strong enough, to feel, to face your demons. You are exactly who you are supposed to be, made of dark and light. And because of that, you are whole.

So first, be curious and brutally honest; face what you fear the most. Honor all of who you are and have been. Embrace and accept ALL of you. Trust the beautiful, powerful and healing love in your heart; your Truth.

Then go. 

With gratitude and always love,