{womb} day

First quarter, moon in Scorpio.

Womb day. A journey inward and a time for reflection and nourishment, rejuvenation, regeneration. Mother take me to your waters, wash away my worries, hydrate my being. Keeper of wisdom and mysteries; sacred blood, flow.

Visceral immersion into the absolute death that must occur for new life to take root. Recycle me into the earth. Settle me deeper into the roots, Mother— I’m tired.

Held in suspension— a pause at the bottom of a long exhale; surrender; loving creations of healing consciousness.

Curiosities dancing on the edge of my consciousness as I lay in that space between waking and sleep:

Our propensity for war we seem to hold as an absolute, an inevitability; man made or human nature?

What would we do without the conflict perpetuated…

What would happen if we took off the armor and dropped the weapons…

We are at war with others; we are at war with ourselves. What spaces would open up— what might be created if we stopped fighting…

If we surrendered into the flow; in trust. Where would the current carry us…

I’m tired of being fought. Of working so hard not to ignite sacred wounds and mirror unseen chinks in the metaphorical armor by just my mere presence. And so today, i’m just going to rest…

All i’ve got today is half formed thoughts that end in…

[An invitation to follow it wherever your imagination takes you…]

***

Day 9/28: Today, I had a beautiful half day out in nature, being guided back inward and felt held in Her embrace; all of the elements present and in support. On my drive home, on back country roads, I hit a butterfly [or it hit my windshield— there was contact of some sort] and the thought that popped in my mind after “oooo I’m sorry butterfly!” was “man, it would suck to have gone through the metamorphosis of caterpillar into butterfly, essentially being dissolved into nothingness, in order to be reborn as this beautiful butterfly, only to meet your end by flying into a car windshield”

[yea, these are the random thoughts that pop up, and also, metaphors for transformation, and life/death/life, expectations and how this moment is literally all that we have].

Coming home with the sweet feeling of utter exhaustion that led to a mid afternoon nap—that stretched into early evening; the stark contrast of natures soundtrack— summer storms rolling through asking to be witnessed— as bookends to a fiery day. Mars and Pluto- sitting amidst the tension of opposing forces— rulers of the Scorpio moon we are sitting under at the moment.

Water is a big theme in my consciousness today, so I’m listening to the messages being sent and surrendering to the best of my present capacity. A deep and familiar ache in my hips and thighs asking of me to just be still, curled up and held in the comfort of my bed, blinds drawn. I am here, typing these words out of commitment made to self, but my body literally will not let me take it any further than this… I sort of the love the signals that state: “rest NOW”, even when they aren’t convenient. So i’m going back to where i’m being led. I hope you have had a beautiful day, and I’ll see you tomorrow.

With gratitude and always LOVE,

Artist: Unknown:

PS: This image felt really resonant as a representation of a felt sense of today… I do not know who the artist is, so if you do know, please let me know as I would love to give credit to this beautiful work. ❤︎

N A K E D

{N A K E D}.⁠

⁠

What does it mean to be naked? ⁠

Without clothing? "Should be ashamed"? Sexual objectification? Exposed and vulnerable on display? ⁠

Could it be freedom? To be without the burden of the contradictions of who they told me I was supposed be?⁠

What is Me? ⁠

Self Portrait, April 13, 2020

What is it that you think you see? ⁠

Smirk on my face, ink on my skin? Innuendo? Tender heart? Feminine sensuality? Seeking validation? Beautifully flawed human dripping in duality? Yes. ⁠

A being barely keeping form; striving for a structure to rest within.⁠

Take me in— flesh + bone, heart + soul. ⁠

And then take it all;

take it all and walk me into the fire. I’ll burn. ⁠

Over and over again. ⁠

Take what you must. ⁠

»»»⁠

In this season, I’m being called deeper in; into my body, into my soul. Into acceptance. Learning what safety within looks like, feels like. I’m finding the home and safe place within. That place within my skin, beneath the surface— that knowing place: Soul. ⁠

I’m learning to let go, of people, patterns of behavior. To attachment of who I was before. Stripping down defenses, removing the armor one piece at a time. Withdrawal for reclamation. Savoring the resistance in stillness— an excruciating expansion. ⁠

Nothing to hide. Yet hide I still do; old habits die hard. But inch by inch I find my way back to the fragments. Those pieces of me that were never lost, just deeply buried. ⁠

And there is a change in pace in the moments that true being clicks into alignment— a perceptible shift— and a grace in the movement of life. A shine that radiates from deep within. A love of my skin. Of the deeply feeling, complicated, dark and often times heavy being that occupies it. ⁠

Do not become too attached to what you see. ⁠

Goodbye is never easy; ⁠

And death, a necessary agony.⁠

I’ll see you on the other side.⁠

Acceptance is the most beautiful gift of all… ⁠

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{Venus in her Shadow»

Mid-week musings from the journal »

feminine reclamation »

life/death/life»

self love»

soul truth.}⁠

»»»⁠

With gratitude + always Love,