a {whole mood}

Waning Crescent Moon in Cancer

“Losing Billy felt familiar to her, like a gunshot wound that had scarred over but never fully healed. He was a haunting figure— a loner who seemed to barely tolerate anyone around him, her included. With her, he just pretended better.”

-Constance Sayers, “A Witch In Time”

⟨⟪⬩⟫⟩

Let go. Lonely figure on the fringe. Is it him or me? Maybe I just pretend better.

Who were you to me in another time and place? An instant familiarity, a warmth— separate from the southern, late summer humidity and palatable tension amidst a crowded room— that filled the space before you even noticed my presence. Your sun shining on me, though we met in the dark. Wounded boy. Guarded man. How is it I know the location of all your scars?

What is this fated encounter?

Why do you haunt me in the recesses of my heart… two pieces of the same puzzle. Meant to be— but what— I rarely wonder anymore. Whatever is to be, has yet to be unlocked in me. Merging forms coagulating; a weaving of many strands into one presence. I can hardly tell the difference these days, one experience, another lesson. Dark but benevolent forces leading me deeper into the realms of irrational.

“Resigned to the hands of fate. We await her impending beck and call.”*

A fleeting image. A passage in time; destiny crossing our paths over, once again. Soulmates; and barely friends. I wonder, do you fight me in every life or is it just this time around? Unable to sever the tie without bleeding myself dry. Tell me, how does one extract self, from self?

Quite the conundrum. The ever existing tensions between ego and soul. Separate and the same. Perhaps another byproduct—the paradox that is to be human. You are me, and I you. Inextricably linked. Pieces of a whole, passing shadows in the dancing late afternoon light. The golden hour. Where perfect polarities coexist for the briefest of glimpses.

A whole mood.

***

“Perhaps he knew, as I did not, that the Earth was made round so that we would not see too far down the road.”

― Isak Dinesen, “Out of Africa”

Day 27/28 Spent most of this moody August day, curled up in bed, reading a book about reconnecting with characters from past lives, living out the fated dramas; love, loss and deals with the devil. So playing a little bit on the mood of the day— both the weather and this first day of Uranus retrograde in Taurus; feeling into the edges of the nerves that the fiction i’m reading is stepping on. Soul animations, unfinished business, a knowing without being able to see the full picture. Themes playing out but i’m too deep in it to see clearly. One more day in this challenge left, and I had to give myself a pep talk tonight to even open my computer. I’m grateful something came out of me at all, and proud of how I’ve followed through for me.— keeping my word to myself— even if it looks like not finishing until the last moments of the day in question. This is me in process. Moody and procrastinating— with just a little edge of resistance ;).

With gratitude and always LOVE,



*Lyrics from the song ”A Passage in Time” by Dead Can Dance