Talk about descent into darkness...

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August, 2018: My world as I knew it had just burned to the ground— eight weeks in Berlin had been explosive and I was then about a month past the most intense energetic opening and subsequent pouring out I had ever experienced... ⁠
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⎢𝒔𝒊𝒅𝒆 𝒃𝒂𝒓 𝒇𝒐𝒓 𝒄𝒐𝒏𝒕𝒆𝒙𝒕: because I really like to make things exciting, the day of this breakthrough/burndown, I manically reached out for a lifeline— the man I was dating at the time— as I had convinced myself that if I just heard "it's going to be ok Nicolette" then I could find my bearings, and instead, he broke up with me, through a voice memo from across the ocean😂... so while thats a different story, lets just say, it added a 𝒃𝒊𝒕 of gasoline to the pyre of what was being burned down— a perfect synchronicity to really make sure I left behind what needed to die off.⎥⁠

...I was wandering, sort of here, sort of not. Piecing myself back together. Oscillating between absolutely numb, to feeling everything; from no appetite, to literally shoving as much food into me as I could to fill the hurt spaces; to try to feel something and at the same time to make it stop hurting. ⁠

And in my wandering; from the ashes of my old ideas of identity, who I was and wasn't, how I felt, what I needed and wanted, I found my way to this magical little slice of the world... Los Molinos, Spain, where I spent a few days with a woman, Marina, who walked with me, taught me and held space for my ongoing unraveling. ⁠
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Outside of a few hours of sleep, we talked for almost 3 days straight; it was exhausting and beautiful. ⁠
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She taught me about Enneagram, Human Design and Astrology, we both shared stories of our lives; of heartbreak, our beliefs about love and connection— an evolving concept moment to moment. ⁠
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We held each other as we cried, we cooked meals and wandered around the mountainous desert landscape along the River Aguas where this little village was nestled. ⁠

It was one of those synchronicities- one of the many that summer— ⁠

a special human, with wisdom beyond her years; a big beautifully open and loving heart to hold my aching one; the healing balm of the receptive arms of the feminine energy- a respite I desperately needed. And it was in a magical crystal pool she shared with me, this photo was taken.

Feeling undone + untethered; heavy, exhausted and a little feral; and a wanting to embody— to become—the deep greens, clear waters and shimmering mica walls I was standing amidst.

Another layer, a visceral memory. A moment of gratitude for the winding path I have been on and continue to walk and the amazing souls I have encountered along the way.

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Thanks for coming down memory lane with me.

With big love and hugs,